I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize