I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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