OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
