one two three fourrrrnication!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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