why didn't you poke me back
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
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I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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