You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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