If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
