yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
