He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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