my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
