2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
