why didn't you poke me back
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize