we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
