I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
