I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
