I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
