just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
