If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.