Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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