I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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