Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Then you guys just all showered together...?