when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
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Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
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A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.