i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
