Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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