i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.