so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.