Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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