I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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