im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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