The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
