Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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