My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
