What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
