I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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