She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
