who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
