I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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