I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
