also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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