I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize