I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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