I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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