I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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