At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
