you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
