and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
