just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
