I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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