Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
why does every cop we meet know your name?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
