Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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