maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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