My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She made me pour olive oil on her.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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