i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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