tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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