Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
