having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
