Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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