I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
