too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
