my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize