I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize