How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
