Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
