wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
